Holidays

So…it’s almost Thanksgiving. And about this time, for the last two years, it has also been pins and needles time as to whether or not the boyfriend will come to my mother’s house for dessert Thanksgiving night.

I understand he has to be at HIS mother’s house…needs to be there to help clean up, and serve, and play with his nephew, and all that. But this year, his mother is having dinner at 2-ish, and my mother is serving dinner at her house. That would put dessert around 6. So we were talking about it, and he said he would try, but his nephew comes first, so as long as he is needed he’ll stay at his mother’s.

Ok…so then I was talking to his mother. And she said that my boyfriend’s nephew will be going to the mountains in West Virginia with his father. Awesome, right? That should mean a 6:00 dessert would be fine, right?

No. Talked to him about it, said his nephew would be leaving soon after dinner. To which he replied his mother would probably need some time to talk and decompress after dinner.

So…I don’t want to chase him. He’s already told me that this isn’t a priority. But I’m not liking all the lame excuses. I’m very tempted to tell his mother that he’s invited to dessert at my house…because I KNOW she’ll respect my time and tell/let her son go in plenty of time. But him…what do I do when it matters to me and he can’t care less. Or worse…he cares to get OUT of it as best he can.

Ugh. I’m trying to be good this week. Trying to be super nice…keep him in a good mood, so that when the time comes he can’t say it’s my fault. That I’ve upset him…made him angry or frustrated with me so he didn’t WANT to come. It’s like a kid trying to be good for Santa Claus…trying to ‘earn’ this ‘gift’ from him. But it’s a relationship, isn’t it? And supporting each other and doing things together on holidays are part of that, aren’t they?

 

Do I want too much?

My Cat

My cat is my most favorite animal in the world. And up until a few months ago, my mom liked him ok too. See, he’s a good cat, but he has a little potty problem. Sometimes he poops on the floor.

We live with my mother. Who bought him/adopted him from the humane society for me 9 years ago. And she loved him too. Except now…she has a new boyfriend. Who lives in Florida. And she wants to move down there with him. And that means selling the house, and that means getting rid of the cat smell. And that means getting rid of the cats.

Bitch.

Marriage

One of my friends recently got engaged. She’s a wonderful girl, her boyfriend is great, and they’ve been together for 6 years. I couldn’t be happier for them!

This is one in a long string my friends and acquaintances that have gotten engaged recently. There is a whole other crop that got married 3-4 years ago, right out of high school.

I’m dating the most wonderful man in the world. Absolutely wonderful…and I want to get married, too. But how do we know when it’s the right time? When we feel like we’re completely in love? When we stop fighting? When we get along all the time?

We’ve talked about moving in together this winter…is it foolish to do that before extracting a promise or commitment of marriage? Or is it foolish to get married before having a ‘trial run’ of living together?

Is it stupid to even THINK of marrying my first SERIOUS boyfriend? Should I be out ‘playing the field’ before I think of settling down?

Because, to be honest, I’m ready. I don’t want to wait another year, or two more years, or live together, or get settled into a routine BEFORE we get married. I want to promise forever, and then spend the time making it work.

And yes, I really really love him!

“Natural”

I work in the makeup industry, and I’ve found that a great buzzword is “natural.” The cleanser is natural. The moisturizer is natural. The foundation and mascara are natural.

Now, I understand that people don’t want to smear dangerous, volatile chemicals on their skin. But it baffles me that people hear that something is natural and are drawn to it because of that. For one, synthetic compounds can and have been formulated to increase shelf life, reduce the likelihood of allergic reaction, decrease the product’s susceptibility to bacterial growth, and maximize results. And secondly, poison ivy, cyanide, lard, coal tar, and insects could all be classified as ‘natural’ ingredients.

No where does it say that natural ingredients are less irritating to the skin, more effective, or less likely to cause a reaction. Exactly the opposite…natural ingredients are more likely to CAUSE an allergic reaction.

I also find it amusing and irritating the way people run away from parabens. Parabens are some of the safest, most effective preservatives available. So why do they get a bad rap? Because one study, ONE STUDY, found parabens in cancerous breast tissue. The way the study was conducted, the experimenters didn’t measure the amount of parabens in healthy breast tissue, and didn’t establish any kind of cause-and-effect relationship. So parabens got linked to breast cancer…the same way you’d link acid rain to a major flood. No, the acid rain didn’t CAUSE the flood, but because there was a  low pH in the flood water it proves acid rain was there. Make sense? Good, because it shouldn’t.

Now, at work there is one woman in particular who is a NUT over ‘natural’ products. She also is a health food nut. Tells us all about what we should and should not eat…warns us about all the poisonous ingredients that are out there.

The punchline there is…she’s the heaviest of anyone I work with, and her skin is in the worst condition. I’m not saying there’s any cause and effect, but it’s certainly something to ponder, when the irony isn’t even subtle.

When it comes to foods, I’ve got a couple of gripes, too. First off, since when is ‘preservative free’ a good thing? I would LIKE preservatives in my packaged foods. Otherwise, there will be BACTERIA in my packaged foods.

And finally, the ‘evil’ of high fructose corn syrup. We’ve all heard it…it’s bad for you. What they don’t tell you is WHY it’s bad for you. Because it’s in everything. It’s in your chips. It’s in your cookies. It’s in your crackers. It’s in your beef jerky. And almost everything in between. If EVERYTHING was fortified with iron the same way it is with corn syrup, we’d all be dying from iron poisoning.

People are sheep. Naturally, sheep.

Sensitivity

I work in a makeup store. And at my job, I do makeup application. And 95% of all the applications I do is on women. Ok…maybe closer to 98%.

But the other few are guys. Gay guys who want their eyebrows shaped. Drag queens looking for a new eyeshadow combination or lipstick. And the occasional transsexual who is looking for a new face for his new female self.

I LOVE doing makeup on guys. Maybe it’s the novelty of it…the fact that it doesn’t happen often. Or maybe because the drag queens are adventurous and fun, and all the others tend to be more timid, and you’re getting to pull someone out of their comfort zone and let them do something they’d always been scared to do before.

But apart from the fact I think it’s particularly fun, it’s no big deal to put makeup on a dude. I could care less…male or female I’m happy to find you what you want and have no intention of judging you. Still, I think there are some men, especially transsexuals, that are super sensitive about having their makeup done. They don’t want to be stared at. They’ve probably had people making fun of them for years and they are REALLY tired of it.

Anyways…once you KNOW that someone is sensitive about the issue, it changes the whole dynamic. I don’t want you to THINK I’m judging you. I don’t want you to feel awkward because I’m looking at you, or think that I’m just like the other bigoted, prejudicial people you’ve met. And that makes me feel awkward, and maybe once I feel that way, I’d come across as awkward. And maybe because of that you’ll think that I’m awkward BECAUSE I’m judging you, or because I think what you’re doing is wrong.

Ugh.

And *BOOM* just like that, a perfectly comfortable and even FUN proposition turns into one that is squirmingly uncomfortable for both parties.

I think this same logic applies to racial conversations. People have run into so many harsh, unyielding, prejudiced opinions before…have been in conversations where their opinions are discarded just because they’re different. I think people get super touchy about racial discussions because of bad experiences in the past.

So how do we overcome this? I don’t want to offend you. I really really don’t. I want to hear your opinions. I want to consider them. And maybe I’ll think they’re wrong…I’d like that actually. I would like to hear that I’m wrong and then get the chance to tell you my side. And maybe we can both learn something.

And, by the way, guys ALWAYS have nicer eyelashes!

BONES

I’ve recently developed an obsession with the TV show, Bones. I’ve seen a couple of intermittent episodes before, but TBS is now showing back to back episodes every weeknight, and for a few days was playing ‘marathons’. Combine that with a fabulously sexy season finale, teasing season opener, and some completely melt-your-heart-romantic-looks in the 5 episodes posted oh Hulu…and I’m hooked.

And anyone who’s ever watched it knows what makes it addictive. Some people could care less about the cool, police procedural stuff. It’s all about the Booth-Bones drama. I’d have to say I like it all…with a science degree I find it fascinating when the procedural part dictates that a 15 hour test can be done in 20 minutes, and my mushy girly side loves the boy-girl drama.

I’m not a big TV watcher, normally. And so it struck me as odd that my head is so FIXED to this show. And me, being me, decided to think about it and not just let it go unquestioned.

Why the recent obsession with the show? Why do I love the characters SO much…and what makes the suspense of their relationship SO compelling that I’ve resorted to reading fan fiction rather than let the storyline go?

And the conclusion I’ve come to is that their relationship, as I imagine it would be, should it ever come to fruition, is the kind of relationship I want. Whether they wind up together or not, they both WANT each other. Watch the end of Mayhem on the Cross. Watch the Christmas Kiss. Watch scenes where Booth is with Cam or Bones is with Sully…they’re jealous. They go out on a limb for each other. They care, and understand each other, and even though they’re not always on the same page, they work tremendously well together.

Combine that with a rough spot in MY relationship, where it seems like I’m begging for attention more than being pursued…well, who wouldn’t be spellbound when the relationship they’ve been dreaming about shows up on the TV screen for 1 hour blocks?

Regardless…I really do love that show!

Race-y Rant

Let me say first that I’m white. Raised by a white Christian mother, white Jewish father, a black stepfather from VA, and an Hispanic stepmother from California.

And I think that Barack Obama is unqualified to be our president. Not because he’s black, but because he’s inexperienced. Because he’s being puppeted around by the Democrats in Congress and NOT being an effective leader. Plus, he’s gone back on at least 50% of the campaign promises he made.

And I think that there was a lot of racism that played a part in his election. I think that there were lots of people who wouldn’t vote for him just because he was black. And I think there were lots of people that voted for him because he was black. And I think both groups are equally racist.

I also think that lots of racism stems from class-ism. I lived in a predominantly black community near Washington DC. And it was a lower-middle class neighborhood…there were raves and shooting and drug deals in the park down the street, and most of these things were perpetrated by black young adults. I recently moved to a majority white community on the Eastern shore. It’s a upper-middle class neighborhood, and there is next to no crime and no noise.

Is it a racial problem? I don’t think so. I think it’s all to do with class, upbringing, and priorities. That poverty breeds crime…that there is comparable crime in low income WHITE neighborhoods. And comparable peace and quiet in majority black upper class BLACK neighborhoods.

One of my favorite American Dream, rags to riches stories is about a nurse who grew up dirt poor in a 1-bedroom shack with her mother and father and two brothers. And she didn’t want to live that life forever, so she got a job and got a scholarship and went away to school to become a nurse. And then she got married and moved away from that shack and raised two boys and now she’s living out her retirement comfortably on savings from her working days. She went from dirt poor to a comfortable middle class life…and she did it without the help of any government programs or assistance.

And so, why again do we need affirmative action? I understand the original point to it, and it was a good one. People needed help…they had been denied opportunites for so long that they needed a leg up to join the ranks. But now…a generation or two into the era of Equal Opportunity Employers…why aren’t black people offended by affirmative action? As an institution doesn’t it belittle them? Doesn’t it say that white people (or even black people) don’t think that you can do well for YOURSELF, so we need to help you? It’s like making $100,000 a year and then having a social worker knock on your door and offer you a welfare check to help you make ends meet. I don’t mean to be rude…the concept just baffles me on both sides. I would love to learn, please help me understand.

Whew. All right…that’s all I got.

Thoughts?

Bad Things and Good People

I used to work with THE sweetest woman I’ve ever met. Always upbeat, always smiling and happy and nice and kind and fun to be around. She was a dry shoulder when you needed one and a willing ear when you needed that. And it wasn’t just me who thought that. Everyone loved her! The clients she worked with, and all the other people that worked at the store. And being that this is a boutique staffed entirely by women, the atmosphere had a tendency to get catty more often than not. But not with her…everyone loved her.

Anyways, she was about 65 when she left the boutique. She and her husband were highschool sweethearts, married for almost 50 years, and their dream was to sell their house in the suburbs and move down to North Carolina, build a log cabin, and peacefully enjoy their retirement.

About this time last year he quit his job, she quit her job, they sold their house, and moved in with some friends in NC while their log cabin was being built. Then one day, she went to the dentist because she had some numbness in her jaw/tongue. And the dentist took a couple of looks at her and told her that it was a nerve problem. And then she went to the regular doctor who told her it was a brain tumor.

And now, about a year since last I saw her, I got an update from our old boss. She’s not doing well. Just a year, and she’s gone from looking forward to years of retirement happiness with the love of her life to living one day to the next.

Life sucks, doesn’t it?

 

Edit: This remarkable lady passed away Sunday evening.

Flowers?

I bought four shrubs, to go along side the driveway at my mother’s house. Because she likes shrubs. And because she has trouble seeing the edge of the driveway and sometimes she hits the yard instead of the asphalt.

And two of the shrubs died. Just up and died one day. Guess it’s me and my massively un-green thumb. But the good news is…they came from HOME DEPOT! Why, pray tell, is that a good thing? Because Home Depot advertises a 1-year guarantee on their plants, and I had every intention of taking them up on their guarantee.

But, before I just hauled these two dead semi-trees to the store, I wanted to see what kind of luck other people had had making successful returns. Check out some blogs or whatever and see what people were saying. Didn’t have any trouble finding the info. Best I could tell this company was really good at keeping their word on this particular promise.

What I did find, however, was another type of complaint about their garden department. People were complaining that when the plants died (usually from bad/inexperienced care), the employees either threw the plants away or sent them back to the warehouse. And people were complaining that the store WOULDN’T GIVE THE PLANTS AWAY. There was an obvious sense of entitlement, and it really annoyed me.

WHY would they give the plants away? True…they’re not going to make any money from plants they throw away. It’s generally 100% loss…and so people assume that since they’ve got to eat that loss anyways, they should do something nice for their customers and GIVE the plants away. But, people…why would they give you something for free, when they can throw it away and get you to pay FULL PRICE for a plant that’s in good shape, not ailing or dead?

Sigh.

But they did take my plants back and gave me store credit. Maybe I’ll invest in some plastic palm trees instead…

Barama Goes to Maryland

First, let me tell you that for the last four years I attended the University of Maryland. Not such a bad place, I guess (although they screwed up my email after I graduated, and I had to use a friend’s email yesterday to start this blog until I figured out how to open a Yahoo account in my own name).

So anyways…

Earlier this week, at our beautiful UMD, Barack Obama stopped in to give a  talk about health care. And today on Facebook I’m getting BOMBARDED with people saying how inspirational it was to sit next to him. How excited they were to see him. How happy they are for Change, and how proud they are for him to chose MARLYAND to start this Change.

Gag.

Perhaps in my personal life I AM all rose colored glasses and bright-eyed optimism. But when it comes to politics…when it comes to an entire NATION being optimistic about one person being the savior of us all…I think they all need to get a grip. Especially when people like Nancy Pelosi are pulling the strings.

And as a side note…I’ve got no problems with race. My stepfather is black, and I live with a very diverse group of friends in a very diverse neighborhood in the wealthiest predominantly black county in the state. I have a problem with hearing people say that they voted for Barama BECAUSE he’s black. And then those same people turn around and call Jim Wilson racist, for yelling “You lie” when the president made a blatantly untrue statement. Ugh.

But anyways…I’ve had to log out of Facebook for the weekend and resist the urge to de-friend all of my acquaintances that keep posting status messages about how FABULOUS it was to see the president in person.

And, pray tell, what did he talk about while he was there? Well it’s funny you ask, because people AREN’T really talking about that. He went to talk about his health care plan. That he can’t get approved. That he hasn’t figured out how to fund yet. And, yes, that is going to serve anyone who shows up to the doctor, whether they’re here legally or not.

Maybe I’m just not up on the propaganda, but what do these people see that I’m missing? After all, black or white, democrat or republican, he’s still a politician…reason enough not to trust him. And then, on top of that, the bill he’s talking about can’t get passed through Congress, and it’s a MAJORITY DEMOCRAT Congress. He can’t even get his own people to go along with it. And on top of THAT…other countries have tried socialized health care. Go sit in their emergency room for 4 hours with a broken rib and bloody nose and then tell me how well that system works for you.

And the funniest this is (to me anyways) that I think that Barama himself is an ok politician. I mean, he’s Dem, I’m Rep, and I don’t agree with a lot of what he says, but that in itself isn’t that bad. What REALLY gets me going is his supporters…his sheep…that talk him up like he’s the second coming. Like he’s going to change the world, and EVERYTHING will be better because of him. After all, he said he’s bringing change. And politicians NEVER lie.

Come on, people.